I'm in pain

Why is love so painful?

A-dressing decency

Last night, I had dinner with a friend, PM whom I've known for 27 years now. We met when she was interning at my workplace. We never really worked together but we're in a related industry. So, I see her several times a year socially and professionally. She's in my facebook.

Unlike me, PM actually loves browsing the albums of those in her facebook network. Recently, she checked a tagged photo of me at a wedding and remarked that I dressed well for the occasion which surprises her. She said, she always sees me in casuals and can't imagine me dressing up.

I told her, that I always dress appropriately although I am most comfortable dressing down. Of course, for a wedding reception, I'd dress up. I also pointed out to her that I hate it when people turn up in jeans and t-shirt for a wedding reception (yes, they do that in kampungs).

Last year, when a friend hosted a corporate iftar dinner at a hotel, I turned up in baju kurung. Everyone were surprised. They expected me to come in jeans and t-shirt. My friend's staff came in their usual office outfits (they're in advertising business and always in jeans and t-shirts) although the function was not on a working day.

To me, dressing up properly for an occasion is very important. It's a sign of respect for the host. At the iftar dinner for example, my friend had some influential guests. They all dressed accordingly. The host has made the effort to have a grand event. I don't want to spoil it by being sloppy. You got to show some grace and give face to the host.

Still on dressing, once a friend asked me to help her pitch for a job with a government agency. I felt a bit slighted when she instructed me to wear a button up blouse, not to show my cleavage and don't wear jeans because we're going to a government agency.

The thing is, I've been to meetings with her before and I always wear decent clothings (shirt and pants and sometimes with a jacket). I even put on a designer court shoes for meetings. Yet, she gave me that specific instructions just because she sees me in my jeans and t-shirt most of the time. When I am in my casuals, it means I don't have any business meetings for the day.

I think, it's suffice for her to tell me that we're going for a meeting with a government agency and I know what to do.

Maybe I am not the most well-dressed person but I know how to respect people at least. Once I went to a colleague's wedding reception. Another colleague came with me. When she saw me all dressed up while she's in jeans and blouse, she asked why am I in a baju kurung when the reception is in a community hall.

I just can't imagine wearing something sloppy while the bride and groom are all dolled up in their finest outfits. I am not talking about stealing the attention away from the couple. But at least, we must celebrate their day by going along with the occasion. I'd like to help them have a beautiful wedding by being beautiful myself.

After that, I told her that for my wedding, please wear your finest clothes. I would really appreciate that. I hope she'll heed my advise.

Unorganised thoughts

There are so many things on my mind now.

1. I want to clear plastics and other non-biodegradable rubbish that are choking the drains in KL. These are the things that cause flash flood during heavy rain. I also want to pressure the city hall to get more garbage bins and have a better garbage disposal system.

2. I want to clean public toilets and teach people the right way to use the toilets.

3. I want to learn how to sew so that I can restyle preloved clothes or make blankets for disaster victims.

4. I've been making garbage enzyme and use it as my cleaning agent at home. I wish I can make more so that I can use it for my clean the toilet campaign. It's chemical-free, organic and super efficient cleaning solution.

And I don't know where to start.

Sandy loves me

"Sandy loves you", said FR as his male boxer licks my hand. Unlike his other guests, Sandy is apparently happy to see me whenever I come by. He'd always approach me slowly and then reach out for my hand.

Although he's kinda huge, Sandy is actually quite gentle. He's a very protective dog, too. Whenever he goes for a walk with the family's shih tzu, he's protect the latter whenever a bigger dog tries to bully him.

Yeah, for now, only a dog loves me :)

I think I'm in love

Yes. I think I'm in love.

Before you all get too excited about it, let me tell you that I'm in love with too many people :) I am really smitten by my little nephews and nieces and friends' children. Too smitten that this auntie may sometimes pinch a little bit from her retirement fund to shower them with gifts.

Last month, FS celebrated her 14th birthday and I got her an Action Sampler Flash lomo camera. She was so thrilled that she told her friends in her blog "be jealous" (she doesn't know that I've been reading her blog). Action Sampler wasn't my first choice. I wanted to get her an Oktomat or a Diana F+ but they're all out of stock. She's a trigger happy gal (she has a mean Nikon DSLR as a toy). She's been pestering her dad to get her a new Canon DSLR but he detests that brand. At least I know I can get her the Canon DSLR for her birthday next year (it's not easy to pick a gift for a teenager. So, knowing what they really like makes gift buying a little bit easier).

I've been checking out shops that sell lomo cameras quite a bit. I have a batallion of young relatives who are into lomo. Bought DZ an Oktomat for his birthday last year. DZ is 16 this year. DZ has been participating in lomo online photo contests. He's a brilliant student and it's so easy to get him gifts. Just get him a lomo. He has a Diana F+ and he's happy with a Super Sampler but not an Action Sampler (that's the reason why I contemplated getting it for FS in the very first place).

Last week, I went to Mooks (where I got FS her Action Sampler) cos I happened to be around the area. They got the stock for Oktomat!!! (and they told me that the stock will only arrive next year !@£$% earlier). So, I quickly grab it. It will be FS' Christmas pressie :)

When I was in Melbourne recently, I was dotting 17 year old FZ who's in a boarding school there. The moment she said, "I don't know how I'm going to cope with winter" my heart just melted and I rushed out to Target and Big W to get her a wool blanket, polar fleece tops, hot water bottle, wool thermal socks, flannel PJ, chocolates, wafers etc (hahahahahaha). Luckily she's already got her Ugg shoes. She's not allowed to use an electric blanket. If not, I'd get that for her, too.

Her mom told me not to be tricked by her daughter. According to her mom, FZ just wants to save her money so that she has some extra stash to buy phone credits to call her boyfriend in KL. Her mom also said that it's time for FZ to learn to be independent.

True. I agree with her mom. But when I decided to get her all those stuff, I feel sorry for the girl cos 1. her mom is far from her, 2. she doesn't know her way around Melbourne yet (it's only her second term there. She's quite a homebody and not used to taking public transport. When I was there, I was the one who had to show her how to use the tram and train services). So, what I got her were all basic stuff. Oh, I got her some nice branded polar fleece from some outlets at DFO (an excuse to shop hahahahaha).

Yeah. I am so in love with all of them.

When 11-year old FR talks about ATVs, this auntie makes time for him to try enjoy an ATV. When MM was 8, she wanted my PDA and I almost got her an entry level HP iPaq for her birthday (she's quite good with my PDA). ST stopped me from buying it. Now with mini notebooks getting cheaper, I might get MM one for her next birthday. Hey.....children are computer literate these days.

You know, it's a bliss when you see the excitement in their face. That's why I will never stop splurging on them.

Busy, busy, busy

Been really, really busy of late. Attended four weddings and a funeral (no puns intended) in the past two months.

The left side of my hip, just below my tummy is still aching from the long distance drive last month. I drove EL and her son to Penang when we received news that her favourite aunt was admitted to the hospital. And then, I drove back to KL to get back to work and then off to Melbourne to attend a friend's wedding reception.

Before I could even recover from my Melbourne trip, I have to rush to Penang with EL again. This time is to pay our last respect for the woman that EL loves dearly. This aunt was also quite fond of me.

And because of prior work commitment, I have to get back to KL after spending two hours in Penang.

Will try to write more later (been working on most weekends since February).

I miss you much

I feel a bit gloomy for the past few days. Nothing depressing happened to me. I just missed a few people very dear to me. They're not in town at the moment.

I miss ST. I miss TM. I miss FZ. ST is in Singapore and I haven't seen her for months now. TM was away in Tokyo for a week, came back and then now in Melbourne for a good one week. FZ has been away since end January. Looking forward to have her back in April.

I missed TM on Skype this morning. She sent me a long email. I just finished writing back to her. Can't wait to have her back next week. She's my breakfast, lunch and tea buddy. We can talk for hours and never tired of each other. Yeah, I guess, I miss talking so much.

I miss ST so much especially when I have to deal with young rookies who can't perform their job well. ST is a very bright girl. She's like my yardstick for intelligence and work efficiency for the rookies I work with. And the benchmark is really high.

ILYA (I love you all) :)

It's a small, small world. (Part II)

Talking about 6 degrees of separation in my previous posting, I have so many more stories to tell. I will try to KISS (keep it simple and sweet).

1. Two former colleagues, CD and ST attended Sayfol in the 1990s/2000s and had Mrs. B as their English teacher. Mrs. B was my class teacher at a convent school in 1973.

2. All a junior colleague had to tell me was that her dad was working in Parkson in the 1980s and I was spot on with his name. Her jaw dropped upon hearing me utter her dad's name.

3. Sometime in 2007, I was introduced to JF by a friend. I only know his first name. When my niece got married later that year, my sister told me that her husband's brother will be performing at the wedding reception. Guess what? JF is my brother-in-law's brother.

4. I went to my convent primary school anniversary a few years ago. I was trying to figure out if I could identify any familiar faces. So, I smiled at most of the ladies around my age and asked, "are you a teacher or a parent or a former student?" Then I spoke to these two ladies who looked like my peers. It turned out to be that they're about 13 years my senior and they know my elder sisters. They eventually attended the same school as my sisters at CBN.

5. My younger sister was dating this guy for awhile and then it was time for him to introduce her to his family. The first person he introduced her to was his sister. My sister then was studying in an area where his sister is a professor. So, his sister offered to help my sister find a job placement upon her graduation. Then, my sister said, "it's okay. My family comes from that background." It turned to be that his sister was my former colleague. What's more interesting is that, apparently, of all his sister's wedding gifts 14 years earlier, the one I gave her, which is an iron is still working well. And I can't even remember that gift.

6. ST once told me that her mother is very good friends with a lady named PI. According to ST, her mother said that PI's daughters are beautiful. I just discovered a few months ago that TM's family is friends with PI's family. The families even holiday together.

To be continued :) well....maybe.

It's a small, small world. (Part I)

I like having TM's mom around. She's a very open-minded and very wise lady. She's very cultured and graceful. She was with her sisters at TM's shop today. I last saw her about 2 weeks ago.

As usual, we'll be chatting about anything and everything under the sun from current affairs to religious matters.

When I told them that my mom was originally from Perak, the ladies asked which part of the state she comes from. TM's mom is from Perak. So, I mentioned my mom's and my aunts' names. The ladies said, "oh we know the sisters." What a small world.

I've known TM for over 20 years but we never talked about our family background. TM comes from a prominent family. So, there's nothing more I need to know about her family.

Imagine, how far our connection goes. Her mom knows my aunts better than she knows my mom. Apparently, one of my aunts are best friends with her stepmom. They're quite tight when they were in London in the 1970s. TM's mom also knows my other aunt and even where she lives.

I know, when my mom was living in London, some of TM's relatives on her mom's side used to chill out at my mom's flat.

It was interesting to know how we are linked. TM's aunt asked me, what do people call my maternal grandmother. I really don't know. I was not close to her. She passed on two months after she celebrated her 100th birthday. I think, TM's aunt thought that she might know my grandmother's family.

This is really 6 degrees of separation.

It's my birthday today

I am 45 years old today. I started my day at 5.30am this morning thinking that I'm going for a morning walk with my two good friends, EL and TM at Lake Gardens. Instead, they're taking me to the wet market at Chow Kit Road. Fine.

It was drizzling this morning and didn't stop till about 3.00pm, I think. After doing our marketing, we went to TM's house for breakfast. EL has pre-prepared the batter for the lace crepe she's going to make at TM's house. She brought along some beef curry to go with the lace crepe.

TM served my favourite murtabak Singapore. Both didn't realise that it was my birthday today until I announced that I'm 45 today. TM said, she and EL must take me out for lunch. I said, it's not necessary cos the lace crepe and murtabak Singapore are already considered treats for me.

I like lace crepe but I prefer homemade ones. EL makes the best lace crepe and she has not been making it for the longest time. I don't eat murtabak except for murtabak Singapore from Straits View street in JB. TM brought back some recently and it's my luck that I got my two favourite food as my first meal on my birthday.

Since I wasn't dressed for lunch, TM arranged for her driver to send me home after breakfast (it was already noon). I went home, showered and changed and rendezvous with TM at Plaza Damas. It was still raining when I got there. EL couldn't join us cos she has prior plans with her husband.

We had Japanese lunch. Gosh. We ordered exactly the same food. Just last week, I had Japanese lunch with EL at BV, we ordered the same thing.

After lunch, at about 3pm (we chatted and chatted like there's no tomorrow) , I thought I wanted to leave. But when I saw her mom and aunts were approaching TM's retail outlet, I decided to stay back to catch up with her mom.

I left an hour later cos I want to walk at Lake Gardens. I think, the rain today was a blessing cos it cleanses the air. I must take the opportunity to walk in the cleansed air among old, big trees at Lake Gardens. I want to be one with nature, recalibrating my ion charges in my body :)

Hey, it's my birthday. I need to recharge.

Why you so like that? (Part I)

My bestie hosted a new year's eve dinner at a prestigious club. She and her husband are running a successful business. They used to work in the same company before they decided to venture out on their own.

According to her husband, he and my bestie decided to make sure that their staff will get all the facilities needed to execute their jobs well. They both had the experience of companies not paying them on time, not enough computers to work on, memos and show cause letters were flying around. They're definitely not going to do that.

That explains why no memos were issued to problematic staff in their company. Well, it's their company and they know what they're doing. They've crossed the 11th year mark of the establishment of their business and they're already a millionaire. I am very, very happy for them.

Likewise, because of my previous painful experience as a child, I tend to treat children with great respect. I can still remember my growing up years. I know which house I used to live in when I was a toddler. I can remember being in walker. I can remember the colours of the dresses I wear in my black & white photographs. I can remember a lot of things. Therefore, I don't take children for granted cos I know they can remember.

What we are today, were shaped by series of events that happened in our lives. That's why there is a saying that goes "your destiny is in your hands."

Along the way, I met a lot of characters. Some I like, some I don't. So, I try to learn and be a better person through the people that I met. I don't know if I am a better person now. At least I know that I am now in control of my life.

How well do you know me?

A former colleague told me over tea one day that I am full of surprises. Only after we both left the company, she learned more about me. Well, I myself didn't know much about her. We don't know much about a lot of people we met. Yet, they always say that they know you.

Here are 10 more things about me.

1. My parents were divorced with I was 7 years old.
2. I am my father's daughter from his second marriage.
3. My father got married for the third time and I had to live with an abusive stepmother.
4. My father never knew that I was physically abused by my stepmother. She used to pinch me hard all over my body and private part. My father cannot see the bruises which were covered by my clothes.
5. My stepmother was also verbally abusive.
6. I had thoughts of running away from home when I was a teenager but aborted the plan cos I can't figure out how to make a living and I was really ambitious. Then I told myself that education is the key to freedom. So, I endured the torture at home.
7. I studied really hard to make my father notice me. I won so many academic awards at school every year but he never attended my Concert & Speech Day. For that matter, he didn't even send a family rep to see me go on stage.
8. My stepmother made it difficult for me to do revision. I had to skimp my pocket money to buy batteries and a torchlight so that I can study at night under my blanket.
9. I was the school year book editor for 3 years in a row. I practically crafted 80% of the content including cartoon strips cos call for articles did not get a good response.
10. My stepmother burned all my school magazines, diaries, stamp and badge collections.

Well, of course, I didn't tell that ex-colleague all of the above :)

A new face?

I just finished scrubbing my face with aspirin and honey mask I made myself. It feels good. Why aspirin?

Well, once upon a time I was handling a leading skincare brand. One of the initiative to elevate the brand positioning was a spa treatment for loyal customers in a very post international hotel. Its global beauty trainer was there to coordinate the local beauty consultants.

I took the opportunity to ask him, what can I do with my patchy skin. He said, my skin can't be rescued 100% even if I go for a laser treatment. He told me not to waste my money. According to him, any cleanser with reasonably active salicylic acid would do. Took his advise and saw the difference on my skin. Less breakouts. Happy.

Then, I shared this with some friends including a medical doctor at a gathering. The doctor said that salicylic acid is aspirin. One of the guys (guys these days are "beauty-conscious, too) asked the doctor if he pound some aspirins and apply on his face, will it work? The doctor can't give a sure answer.

Anyway, I was researching and researching about natural ways to clear my skin and found something about aspirin and honey facial mask. According to the information I found on the net, aspirin is salicylic acid just like the doctor said. They say that aspirin will draw out the impurities through the face pores while honey will keep the skin moisturised.

So far, I'm quite pleased with the result. Oh....I use green tea as my toner to cool down inflammation :)